Is Honesty the Best Policy?

In the 16 months since I had my Roux-N-Y gastric bypass surgery, one thing that is difficult for me to do is to keep my mouth shut. I am not tempted to eat when I shouldn’t, mind you – I am tempted to talk when I need to mind my own business! I have had such great results from my surgery (the last time that I weighed myself, I was down 125 lbs.) that when I see someone who is struggling with their weight, I want to suggest that they consider this surgery for themselves.

For me, it was an easy decision to have surgery, or so it seems now. As the old saying goes, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired! I have to remind myself that it took several years to finalize my decision, however, and not everyone is ready to make the necessary lifelong changes that go along with weight loss surgery.

I recently emailed a friend, who also had great success with RNY, venting about this very issue. In her reply, she told me to not feel bad about caring about someone’s health and life. I need to remind myself of that, as well as to temper with love and concern my urge to speak freely. If anyone has any suggestions about how you have handled this issue, please post in the comments or email me.

Now on to the more interesting news … since my last column on mybiglife.com, the man I’ve been dating for a while asked me if I wanted to date exclusively. Being in my mid-thirties and having a “boyfriend” sounds so ridiculous, at least to me. My cousin told me that she uses the word “friend.” I prefer something with a little more flair, like “gentleman caller,” but people tend to look at me funny when I use that term. Perhaps if I lived in the south, I could be more colorful with my phrasing, but that doesn’t go over too well in the Midwest.

I’ve been thinking about how dating is different before and after surgery. I don’t have a clear answer. I feel like I am more myself now, maybe because I’m not compensating for my weight anymore. A friend who had WLS a few months before I did remarked that she used to put so much energy into being outgoing, funny and entertaining when she was heavy, and now she doesn’t have to do that anymore. She can just be herself and, not surprisingly, now that she is more authentic, she is a lot more fun to be around! I feel like I lost sight of who I was over the past few years and have been finding my way back to me. When it comes to dating and relationships, the more open and honest we are about who we are, the more likely we are to find someone who is a good fit for us.

Resources

To learn more about relationships and food, check out these titles from Amazon.com:

Freedom in Your Relationship with Food: An Everyday Guide by Myra Lewin

Let Us Eat Cake: Adventures in Food and Friendship by Sharon Boorstin