I spent ALL of last week writing, recording, thinking, and talking about sex.
To be honest, a week was way too short. There’s just too much to talk about, too much shame and confusion that needs to be cleared up, and way too many links to body image and body liberation to fit into such a short amount of time.
Most importantly though, our relationship to our bodies are often too deeply interwoven with our relationship to our sexualities. It’s why I went back to school to get my clinical sexology certification— because I was working with clients on body image, and sex just. kept. coming. up.
As such, I’ve decided to dive more deeply into some of the many ways in which sexuality and body image can intersect today.
I’m gonna start with myself, and then tell a few (anonymous) client stories. Please bear in mind that these are just examples, and that everyone’s story is completely unique and valid! The point of sharing specific stories is simply to paint the picture of how complex, layered, and interesting this topic is, and how important it is to unearth what’s *really* going on if you want to heal and improve your own relationship to your body & appearance.
My story:
- I must be so powerfully attractive that boys and men have to do bad things— things they know they shouldn’t do.
- Relationships are transactional, so in order to get what I need (connection, belonging, attention, intimacy, love) I must give them what they want: to be turned on and sexually satisfied.
- The only value I offer the world, and therefore the only way I can get my needs met, is to continue being powerfully attractive.
- The only reason I’m so powerfully attractive is because I am “faking it” by obsessively monitoring every single tiny detail of my appearance all the time, and managing it with things like: sucking in my stomach, wearing push-up bras, using makeup, doing my hair, wearing “flattering” clothes, posing, checking the mirror constantly, etc.
