A few weeks ago, in my article Don’t Let Old Friends Die, I described palliative care practitioner Bronnie Ware’s article “Regrets Of The Dying”, which is also now more detailed in the recently published book Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. It’s worth a read.
In a nutshell, as Bronnie describes, the five regrets most often uttered by those on their deathbed are as follows:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.
So if you were to act upon these regretful reflections, and if you don’t want to die with a lot of regrets, you should:
- Live a life that’s true to who you are, and not driven by who you think the world wants you to be (in other words, be authentic)
- Don’t spend so much time working. Even if your work is or feels noble and laudable, or even if you’re so self-actualized it feels like relaxing play, you may still want to step back and ask yourself how often you use work as an “escape”, or to simply immerse yourself in more of the doing that takes you away from being.
- Express your feelings. Are you in love? Tell him or her. Are you angry? Speak up (and definitely do not, as I warn here, bury it). Are you lonely? Tell someone. Do you disagree wholeheartedly? Quit being such a people-pleaser or a coward, be bold, and voice your disagreement. You get the idea. Don’t cruise through life, stone-faced and so “resilient” that you cannot, will not, fear, or are not vulnerable enough to express your true feelings and emotions.
- Keep in touch with your friends (and, dare I say, venture out to make new ones too). I tell you how and why in great detail here.
- Choose to be happy no matter your circumstances. Stuck on the runway at an airport? Close your eyes, breathe, smile, and finally listen to that Spotify music playlist you’ve been too busy to savor. Waiting in line at the grocery store when you’re late for an appointment? It’s not worth fretting. You don’t have control. Use it as a much-needed opportunity to stretch, read a few pages on your smartphone’s Kindle, or listen to a few minutes of a podcast. At a boring dinner party? Quit sighing and tell your favorite joke from sixth grade to lighten the mode, or ask everybody which superhero they want to be for the night. You get the idea. Be that person who is peaceful, calm, and radiates joy.
