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Dating After Weight Loss Surgery (The Ugly Truth)

On: March 19, 2020



So this video may not be for everyone….Sharing my weight loss journey publicly has not been an easy task, however the positive response I’ve had from so many of you has really been super humbling and awesome to receive! I’ve been able to relate and connect with so many of you about this process and I’m so excited to continue forward sharing new experiences with you as we celebrate becoming healthier versions of ourselves together! Surgery or not, we are moving in the right direction with every small step taking to achieve our goals for a better and healthier life Amen?! Official MyBigLife Top 100 Weight Loss Journey Videos of all time!


Video Transcription:

It has been a long time. You guys have been so supportive of the last video. I have a lot of new information to go over. I have a lot of new experiences go over for you guys. So hopefully again you will give me grace and understand that these are my personal experiences and as excited as I am to share them with you. Um, you know, some of them I feel very vulnerable, um, kind of going into the details. So start off if you guys clicked the title of this video, you know that it’s definitely an interesting topic. Um, you know, a lot of people have questions about this very things specifically and I definitely want to go, um, over the, um, two week to one month recovery of the surgery. And I will go ahead and do another video for you guys. But the thing I get asked the most is what has my experience with dating been, um, post-surgery and um, and my major weight loss.

So guys, just to jump right into stats, I have lost 140 pounds. It feels like so much, just so much. And with the weight loss, like seriously, so much has happened and so many good things. Um, one of the biggest questions I get asked is how do the general public treat you? And, um, you know, being quite honest, I am treated really, really good. People are super, super kind to me and you know, I’ve had people tell me, Oh, you know, you’re more confident now let’s be real. Like there’s a major change in my body and in a way that I view myself, um, the way that I’m able to move to, um, converse with people to take part in things that I would’ve thought prior to surgery might’ve not been for me. Like, you know, hiking and, um, be parks and stuff like that.

Things that I just found uncomfortable and boring were not oriented. They are super fun. Um, and now I’m able to do them. So, you know, those are things that I’m excited about. But um, moving forward, have people from your past come back into your life? Yo? Like, that’s not even a question I, I can’t even tell you. Like, who hasn’t made an attempt, you know, people that I’ve dated in the past to come back and, um, see how I’m doing, congratulate me, what have you asked me out to dinner? So there’s like variations of people from my past that have definitely come back into my life since surgery. And of course I would never say names and I wouldn’t want to go too specific into, um, you know, experiences because those are mine. Those are for me. And um, some of these people don’t even deserve to have, um, you know, our dates talked about because a lot of people that have come back from my past, um, unfortunately came back with the worst of intentions.

And you know, you’re warned about this before surgery to be honest. Like you are warrant and you think in your mind that you just have the answers like, Oh, um, if so and so tries to come back into my life that I use today, like I’ll just know that they’re back because I’ve lost weight and I’m happy now. So, you know, they really don’t care about me. But let me tell you something, it’s almost as if the people that do come back are prepared for your, um, guard to be up. Right? So I have literally had everything said to me from I’ve loved you this whole time. I’ve just had to work on me. I’ve had to prepare myself for you. I just wasn’t good enough for you at the time. God had to prepare my heart. Um, I didn’t know how much I loved you until I lost you.

So these are a lot of the things that I have heard, um, several times since surgery. Um, and people have come back in several different portals of communication via Facebook, via Instagram, via Snapchat, um, texts. Some guys from my past will do as little as two, like a photo Instagram when I didn’t even know. They are still following me and some guys will do as much to, you know, call me, you know, on the phone on a Friday night and say, you know, I’d love to take you out to dinner. I’m so proud of you and hopefully you’re given another chance. So, um, you know, a lot of people have definitely made an attempt to come back in my life in some form or fashion. And my opinion is solely this, you get to choose who gets to be a part of your new life. And I would never go as far as to say someone from your past couldn’t be someone that could possibly be a good part of your future.

Um, and I would never say that, um, you know, you shouldn’t give them a chance or this and that because the reality is it depends on you. It solely depends on what your heart says. And most of the time we know whether or not that person is good in their heart, um, from the experience that we’ve had with them prior. And one thing I will say is if someone has shown you their true colors in the past, believe them that that is truly who they are. So just because you’re shiny and new, it doesn’t change the dynamic of your relationship with that person initially because you are still the same soul. Um, and we can get into all that kind of stuff later. That’s a totally separate video, um, about how you actually see yourself. But regarding dating, um, when I do go out, we’ll kind of move forward with this.

When I do go out, I’m definitely excited to meet new faces and to um, kind of just put myself out there to, um, you know, congregate and, you know, have conversations with people that are just standing around me and being the fact that I’m much more open to be approached. Um, I’ve definitely made a lot more friends. Um, girlfriends included. I have more friends now than I ever have. Um, because it’s so much easier for me to take the focus off myself and focus on other people because I am, you know, all the reasons a mile long, I’m in a lot less pain. Um, I enjoy socializing now. I enjoy being a part of things, so that takes a lot of distraction away from everything that has to do with me. I’m able to now focus on other people and getting to know other people. And I get excited honestly when, um, I meet people from other countries or people that are interested in the same things that I am versus when I wouldn’t have been.

So I’m willing to go out and to, um, you know, meet new people. So for me, everything is, everything is brand new. It really is brand new and that’s like, that’s the whole truth of it. You guys, I’m not going to hold anything back for the sake of um, you know, being concerned about it if people’s opinions like, Oh, you only have this surgery so people will talk to you or you have the surgery for, um, you know, just cosmetic reasons, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is my life. And if you are thinking about the surgery, then it is your right to think about something that could possibly be the right decision for your body. I’m happy and I won’t apologize for being happy and it’s really not my concern what someone else’s idea of how I should see myself now should be. I’m not interested.

I have my opinion of myself, I’m happy, I’m healthy, I’m a heck of a lot more confident. You know, I’m still, I’m still the same girl in my heart, but I’m allowed to view myself in a way that makes me happy. And when it comes to dating and when it comes to how I choose to do things or who I choose to let back into my life or who I choose to, um, close the door with forever, that is solely up to, um, and the great part now is I definitely feel like there is less in my eyes, attention on my weight when it comes to a relationship with somebody. And I feel like I can focus on things like, um, you know, the, the principles of who they are as a person and their personality and their good and bad traits, things that I’m really able to focus on rather than being so focused on someone leaving me because of my weight.

That’s a reality of this whole thing is that for a long time as a girl growing up in Southern California, having that extra weight on me, all I see is my weight. So when I wouldn’t carry on a relationship with somebody, whether I ended it or he ended or whatever, I feel like I would always fall back on, well, you know, my weight, it wouldn’t have worked out anyway for some reason or another. But the reality is is that was my unhappiness. That was something that had to do with me. That was something that really had nothing to do with the other person and I everything to do with me because now these people will come back into my life and it’s like I really see them for who they are. When before they might’ve just been like a mediocre person, but because I was so focused on getting someone to like me and to look past how unhealthy I was, I wasn’t able to see the fact that they might have not really been all that great.

And that is something that you might find that people that have broke your heart in the past and it’s like the one that got away. You know, if, if you have one of those people in your life that unfortunately can totally just, I end your heart and bind your mind and you know, just taught your dreams because you feel like it was your fault that didn’t work out with them for some reason or another. You find that when your biggest insecurity is lessened, you see more of of them. And that might sound vain, but it’s my truth and it’s my reality. You start seeing people for people and you start seeing you for all the good underneath that big he’ll that big mole Hill, what it really was. But all you could see was the fact that you weren’t good enough for some reason or another because it was you that was truly discontent.

And it’s almost like you have made amends with yourself and your heart and your soul because you’re living life. You’re truly living life now. And that’s for no one but you. So bring someone back in from your past, meet somebody new to be a part of your future. Do neither do both, but do it for you because ultimately this is all for you and I swear I get like emotional and my videos. This is all for you whether you choose to go through with the weight loss surgery, whether you choose to change your body on your own, whether this is just a video that you’re watching because you are my friend or my family or my clients or you just found it, you know, just surfing one day, it’s amazing to see a huge life change and whatever change in is you save up to get a house, you lose weight, you um, you finish your degree and you start working in a career that you’re passionate about, that you love.

Fortunately for me, that’s what I did do my job and my career and my passions are all flourishing and I feel like my life has just now started. I’m still single. I still don’t have kids. I’m 26 years old living in Southern California and I’m healthy and that is a huge step for me and that is a huge start. So I really hope that you guys can connect with me when it comes to my dating experiences. Of course I have stories and I might go into those details later, but like I said, a lot of your experiences are solely for you and so many people really just want to be entertained with what you have to say and with your experiences, what they do with them is up to them. But if you so choose to share them, then I give you all the credit in a world for your bravery to step out there and to share your vulnerable and sometimes explicit experiences with people via the internet.

Um, and I just like everybody else have people that might be watching and totally judging me, people from my past, people from my present because not everybody wants to see you succeed. A lot of those people are in your past for a reason. And those people, I would definitely tell you not to bring it to your future because if you have an opportunity to flourish, to thrive, they’re definitely not going to be willing to, um, cheer you on and to, um, be there when the confetti falls. And those days are stills account. And those days are for you and your loved ones and the people that are your ride or dies. Because this journey is super, super, super up and down and you are constantly surprising yourself as well as others. And, um, it’s exciting. So allow those, um, people in your life who you love the most and who value you the most to experience that with you and you know, others that don’t deserve that. Um, that’s up to you whether or not you feel that they should be a part of this because life is good now. So choose who you share it with. I guess.

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Author Details
Paula Henry
Co-Founder & Executive Editor MyBigLIfe.com
Paula Henry earned a BFA in design from William Woods University. She used her design degree in combination with her abundant natural people skills to become a top sales manager and design consultant to architectural firms across North America, representing companies such as Magic Woods, Panolam and RJF International. When her son was born she left the corporate world and assumed the role of stay-at-home mom and CEO of the Henry household, where she honed her skills in the areas of patience, ingenuity, multi-tasking, and knowing when to resort to plan-b. During her free time, she is a highly successful fundraiser for several not-for-profits.Paula serves as the Co-Founder and Executive Editor at MyBigLife.com, which she operates with her husband Jeff.

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